Jass Bolger's (false) "struggle"

"I'm hiding the pain of my struggle behind this sincere smile."

According to MLive, "Michigan's House Speaker Jase Bolger says he's 'struggling' with the issue of adding gays to the state's Elliott-Larsen anti-discrimination law which protects citizens in housing, employment, and other areas on religion, race, color, national origin, age, sex, height, weight, familial status or marital status." This is what he had to say on the matter:

“I want to respect gay individuals. I don’t want to send a message as a society that we are intolerant. I think that we need to respect people who are different from us, whether they’re different because they believe differently, whether they’re different because they have different skin color, or whether they’re different because they’re straight or gay."

Wow, Speaker Bolger. If you would have just stopped there. You'd go down in history as a man with the political courage and conviction to do the right thing for the people of Michigan. The man who managed to rise above your party's current obsession with partisan obstructionism. But, no:

"The other side of that equation is I also want to respect people’s religious beliefs. And that’s where the struggle really comes in. I want to respect gay people, I want to respect people who have deeply held religious beliefs. And so legally – as a lawmaker now – you go back and you look at Elliott-Larsen, and it gets very difficult to try to balance those two. And that encapsulates the struggle. The struggle is how do we respect individuals on both sides of this question. I want to respect the individual rights of someone who’s gay. And I also, in doing that, don’t want to force somebody to ignore or violate their religious beliefs.”

Ah, yes. By updating one of the most comprehensive anti-discrimination laws in the country to protect gay people from things like getting fired or kicked out of their apartment for simply being a gay person, you're disrespecting religious freedom. This struggle you're facing! What a conundrum!

The truth is, extending civil protections to gay people does absolutely nothing to infringe on religious liberty. Would legally protecting LGBT people from discrimination make it harder for "deeply religious persons" to perhaps, hide their disdain for homos behind a Jesus shield? Yes it would. But that's a good thing, Jass. That's a good thing.

The number of church leaders, scholars and people of faith who accept the notion that loving gay people and loving Jesus are not mutually exclusive, is growing every single day. Not only that, most came to this conclusion after thoughtful study of Biblical text and deep discussion with their friends, neighbors and pastors. In other words, after struggling with the issue. 

Whereas the "no homo" right-wing Christian crowd is not only dwindling, but causing a substantial number of young people to leave the church and question their faith. Interestingly, this anti-gay interpretation of Christianity is rarely backed up by thoughtful scholarly interpretation of Biblical text. Instead, there's a lot of "feelings" and a willingness to ignore anything that would contradict these "feelings." Which one of these Biblical interpretations is healthier for society and the church itself? The inclusive one that preaches about an all-loving God or the exclusive one that kicks the Boy Scouts out of their church for daring to accept and affirm gay youth? 

I think it's pretty clear. And considering almost three in four Americans believe it’s inevitable that same-sex marriage will be legalized in the United States, your "struggle" with affording gay people basic legal protections seems disingenuous at best and a thwart of the will of the people at worst. You aren't "disrespecting" Christians by amending the Elliott-Larsen Civil Rights Act. But you are disrespecting yourself and the people of state of Michigan with your political cowardice and extremist pandering. So I guess we all lose. So it is written.

Thank you, Rob Delaney

Most people are familiar with Rob Delaney as “the Twitter comedian,” but as of today he’s one of my comedic heroes. Why is that? Because of his answer to this question posed to him on his Tumblr:

Hey Rob! What do you do if you're at an open mic and the set of someone (or multiple people) before you revolved around unfunny misogynistic bullshit? Do you call them out on it or do you just let it go? What would you recommend? Is there an etiquette for that? I mean, I know it happens a lot, but it's really irritating.

This excerpt from his response is damn near perfect:

... if I were in a setting where that did happen, I would take a breath before I went onstage and I would verbally lacerate the people who came before me and use the skill I’ve honed over the years to make them feel small and bad and to make the women and men who are good and kind to women in the audience feel big and good. And I would be funny doing it. I am of the belief that comedy can be muscular, aggressive, “alpha,” profane, filthy, and - at the exact same moment - as enjoyable to women as it is to men. I’d go so far to say that if something is funny to a group of men and it isn’t funny to a group of women, it isn’t funny. Or it at least isn’t funny enough to be the domain of the professional standup comedian, who better God damn well be funny, as it is our sworn duty to be so. And any idiot troglodyte who disagrees should watch the camera cut away from Pryor or Carlin to women in the audience losing their minds from laughing so hard. Women probably went insane watching those guys, never to collect their marbles again. How great is that?

How great is that? Pretty fucking great. I particularly love his astute observation that “... if something is funny to a group of men and it isn’t funny to a group of women, it isn’t funny. Or it at least isn’t funny enough to be the domain of the professional standup comedian...”

Bingo.

There are an awful lot of “comedians” who seem to conflate being an asshole with being funny. Being an asshole can be funny, but that doesn’t mean every time you say something assholish it’s inherently funny. Can jokes that are rude, sexually/racially charged, gross, shocking etc. be funny? Yes. Yes they can. However, they better be amazing, amazing jokes. The more controversial the material, the higher the bar for said material. If you’re hacking away at lazy, overdone tropes about women, minorities, gay people, etc. that’s lazy and shows a lack of creativity/originality on your part. And if a comedian is on stage doing lazy, uncreative material, the audience has a right to feel ripped off, annoyed and (yes) even offended. Because as Delaney says, it is a comedian's “sworn duty” to be funny.

So work your ass off at being funny and writing really good, original material. And if time and again your purposely offensive jokes aren’t going over well, don’t automatically blame it on the audience and then dismissively say something like, “Well Louis CK has jokes about _____.” Yes. He does. But you are not Louis CK. He’s a guy who absolutely worked his ass off at being funny and writing really good, original material; that’s some hard won, admirable success right there. You’re a guy who does local open mics and asks women in the audience who have no interest in interacting with you about their anal sex habits. These are not the same thing.

Oh, and having an opinion on this issue as a woman apparently means getting a deluge of hateful, misogynistic bullshit thrown at you from every direction. Sadly this does nothing to make these guys better comedians. It just shows how insanely rampant hateful, sexist bullshit is in the world of comedy. There’s a reason Rob Delaney is actually making a career for himself and you’re going up to do yet another 5 minute set of rape jokes at 11:45pm on a Tuesday to a disinterested audience of three. Hint: It’s not because of “politically correct fat cunt bitches who don’t understand comedy.” But sadly, you’re probably going to go to your grave believing that. To paraphrase Patton Oswalt: “You stupid douchenozzle. You truly don't fucking get it, do you? You poor motherfucker. You're gonna miss everything cool and die angry."

It is time to bring back the "nosy neighbor"

Like many people in the country, I’ve been more or less transfixed by the horrific kidnapping story in Cleveland. This is partially due to my very robust true crime obsession, but also because so much of the setting and many of the people remind me very much of my neighborhood in the Northwest corner of Hamtramck, Michigan. Unlike those who have watched this story unfold from the comfort of their suburban surroundings in a semi-detached way, I’ve watched it thinking, “This feels way too familiar.”

I’m not suggesting that one of my neighbors is currently holding women captive against their will. I sure hope that is not the case. "How could nobody have known something so horrible was happening?” has been a common refrain since the story broke on Monday. In neighborhoods like mine, made up of very disparate groups, people don’t often talk to each other and socialize. Some, like the large Bengali population in my city, are even further isolated from their neighbors by language and cultural barriers. Many people are renters who, judging from the condition of their properties, don’t feel rooted in the community and have really shitty people for landlords. Several of the houses on my street (and MANY more in the Detroit and Highland Park neighborhoods that border us) are unoccupied and/or in serious disrepair.

Additionally, many people generally don’t like or trust law enforcement. And it’s hard to heal damage and build bridges when our police and fire departments are constantly facing the threat (and often the reality of) budget cuts and layoffs. City services workers are doing the best they can with limited resources and staffing. As much as I would like the reality to be different, under these kinds of conditions, sometimes things fall through the cracks or go unnoticed in neighborhoods like this. Even horrific, nightmarish things.

It dawned on me while reading the reports on how often/if ever neighbors called the police about that horror house in Cleveland that many people don’t really understand how calling the police works. I am no expert, but here’s what I think is super important: When you call the police about something, that complaint is kept on file. You might feel like it’s a “waste of time” to call the police for the _nth time about something you’ve yet to see any real action on, but it gives the police yet another piece of evidence to help make their case should they get to the point where an arrest can be made. You’re providing yet another dot that can be connected. The police need the help of civilians to get these dots. They can’t do it on their own. If you want a more cynical spin on it, think of it this way: The police might not act unless you and others make a lot of noise. So keep calling on stuff if it doesn’t change/gets worse/happens again. I’ve had more than one police officer use the phrase “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” in conversations about when/if they should be contacted about something.

We as citizens are just as important in this picture as law enforcement. If there’s one glaring lesson to be learned from Cleveland, it’s that we need to look out for each other and our neighborhoods. Too often people shy away from “getting involved” and insulate themselves from those around them. This is hurting us and the quality of life in our neighborhoods. That’s why it is time to bring back the nosy neighbor.

I’m not suggesting you immediately start doing neighborhood patrols or baking cookies for the family that lives downstairs from you. Though those would be pretty awesome things to do. Instead, I ask you to consider the following questions:

• Do you know the names of the people that live on either side of you and across the street? 
• When something is off in your neighborhood, do you take the time to bring it to somebody’s attention/fix it? 
• Are you aware of which houses on your street are rentals and what the current status is of the ones that are unoccupied? 
• Have you ever heard or witnessed a domestic dispute and decided against calling the police because, “it’s not my business?”

 
That’s the kind of stuff I’m talking about when I say “nosy neighbor.” It’s not even being nosy - it used to be called, “being a good neighbor.” It’s easy to insulate and take a “mind your business” approach, but we need to fill in the gaps and take initiative if we want to see anything change. And change doesn’t happen when we take the easy route.

Creative equality: Some of my favorite marriage equality logo variations

Every gay person I've ever met has spent some portion of their life feeling alone, outnumbered, scared and unsupported. I started the coming out process in 1996 - the year Bill Clinton signed DOMA into law. I was incredibly fortunate overall with a loving and supportive family and amazing friends. But that doesn't mean that it's been an easy journey. It's been incredibly daunting, exhausting and heartbreaking. So as inconsequential as the changing of one's Facebook picture may seem, I want to let each and every one of you know that I appreciate the fact you give a shit. Like, so much. Thank you.

My Bloody Marriage Rights

Equality goggles 

Librarians for equality!

This is apparently from Dr. Who!

Yoda's on the right side of history

Are there gay cylons?

America's original gay sweethearts

America's original lesbian sweethearts

Dogs against discrimination!

Corg-i-quality!

Author Sugi Ganeshananthan's book Love Marriage, in different languages.

Don't be a grump about marriage equality!

There's nothing to say this isn't veggie bacon. Which is gay bacon.

Finally: A use for Peeps!

I like this more for the time involved than the finished product.

Thank you Mario! But your equal rights are in another castle!

Kitty Pride

Equality rides: 25 cents

Touch of gay.

Equality for ALL

Marriage is Divine!

Put a (gay) ring on it.

Let them eat (gay) cake.

Willie Motherfuckin' Nelson

Video I like alert: Destroy This Place

If you're in need of a SCOTUS sanity break, check out the new video for "Graves" by Destroy This Place. I love these guys. My favorite part of the video is when Sean, after he finishes his breakfast, takes the time to rinse out his bowl and put it in the dishwasher. It can be done, people.

New record is out May 14 on Bellyache Records with a release show May 17 at PJ's Lager House. See you there.

Not that Shocked: An Open letter to Michelle Shocked

Now with ironic title!

"When they stop Prop 8 and force priests at gunpoint to marry gays, it will be the downfall of civilization, and Jesus will come back." - Michelle Shocked to a flabbergasted crowd of protest song-lovin' San Francisco lesbians, 3-17-13

Dear Michelle:

Holy hatred, Ms. Shocked! That's quite the little anti-gay ranty-rant you gave at your recent San Francisco show. You are front and center in the news for possibly the first time since... I can't remember when you were last relevant, but at least the mid-90's. Your ability to obliterate your entire fan base in one evening is disturbingly impressive. You've got to be aware that, over the course of your whole career, your music has only appealed to one demographic: Rat-tailed lesbians with terrible taste in music (and hair styles). But apparently Jesus told you to go ahead and throw that all away in His name, huh? I hope, for your sake, he's got a career back-up plan for you. Because Holy Shit.

I'll just go ahead and say it: I have never liked your music. At all. But that doesn't mean I take any pleasure in watching you spiral out of control like a Baptist minister on a secret meth-fueled gay sex rampage. I think it's troublesome. I think you need help.  

Did you know that fervent religiosity is a red flag for a myriad of mental disorders? It's true! I highly suggest you pick up the book Devil in the Details: Scenes From an Obsessive Girlhood* by Jenny Traig. She talks about growing up dealing with scrupulosity, which is basically OCD with a religious bent. She also provides several examples of how some of the best-known religious leaders in history probably suffered from this as well. Which doesn't surprise me at all. I heard an NPR report on a church where the congregants spoke in tongues, and they did a little interview with a woman who interjected the word "Hey!" several times per sentence. Like how you would if you were hosting a party and wanted to quickly acknowledge new guests entering while you conversed with somebody. Her quote was basically like, "I believe that (hey!) the Lord is (hey!) speaking through me (hey!)..." My first thought was, "Hmm. That sounds an awful lot more like Tourette's Syndrome than it does a woman overcome by the power of His glory..." Since God supposedly works in "mysterious ways," I think he should employ some ways that are less like how crazy people act.

My point is, you owe it to yourself (and your fans) to go get a psych evaluation. Something is not right with you. I read a lot of advice columns in which people write in to complain about a sudden change in a loved one's behavior, and the first thing that's always recommended is to get that person checked out. Sometimes our brains need a tune up. Ain't no shame in that.

So, yeah. I'm pissed at your behavior and hateful words, but also worried about you. You've entered Victoria Jackson territory. She's so far gone I can't even be mad at her. Her rants are just depressing. Maybe that's your plan though! Maybe you and Ms. Jackson are already mapping out your double-headlining "Pathological and Pathetic: The Unchecked Mental Illness Tour." If so, I'll be sure to not buy tickets. Because this is America. And if you want to let yourself passively sink into shameful obscurity, it's your right. And it's my right to refuse to buy tickets to the crazy show. But it's not too late to help yourself. 

Thinking of you in this embarrassingly difficult time,

Laura

*I don't generally like to link to Amazon because I'd rather people support their local indie bookstore, but with your revenue stream coming to a screeching, gay-hating halt, I figure you'll need the lowest priced copy possible.

Fillet Misty for me...

To the people freaking out about the horse meat "scandal:" Your arbitrary distinction between animals that are "ok to eat" and animals that are "gross/wrong to eat" is very perplexing to me. But then again, so is your decision to purchase and consume two dozen Swedish meatballs for $1.00 during a shopping break at a discount furniture store.

Ok. I personally think it's wrong to eat all animals, not just horses. But this horse meat fiasco shows how arbitrary humans are about the animals and ultimately, the food they consume. Considering how inundated we are with sensational news stories, it's usually best to try to quell the alarmist side of our brain. Otherwise we'd spend all of our time hiding in our make-shift bunkers, drinking distilled water from BPA-free bottles and wondering when Obama will order a drone strike on our property so he can steal our guns from our cold, dead hands. But in light of this horse meat story, I don't think it's an alarmist reaction to ask yourself, "Hmmm... what the fuck are we actually eating nowadays?"   

This is true for everybody, but especially true for meat eaters. Truth be told, the process of turning an animal into a meal is more horrifying and barbaric than anything in the Saw movie franchise. It is therefore not surprising that people would rather not think about what animals being "raised for meat" entails, or to really question the arbitrary distinction we make between companion animals and food animals. It's far too messy to question that arbitrary line. I can understand that. But there are consequences to our willful ignorance. 

The meat industry does not worry much about consumers holding them accountable because they know the people have basically settled on a "this ground chuck is delicious, just don't tell me how it's made" approach. I think it's crucial to be more cognizant of where all of our food comes from and to hold the food industry to higher standards. But this is especially true for meat since so much cruelty, suffering and pain goes into the making of it. Which makes right now a perfect opportunity for all of us to do some reevaluation of our food choices.

People want to know that the food they're eating is safe and contains what the label says it contains. But by and large, we just make assumptions and allow slick marketing and packaging to placate our food concerns. I know people who have taken months to research the perfect iPhone case. I know very few people who have taken even an hour to research the food they're eating. And I fully include myself in this latter category. (Though not the former. I don't care that much about technology accessories.)

I know that I can't convince you to stop eating meat, though that would be pretty awesome if you did. But I think you owe it to yourself, your family and the animals that end up on your plate to do even some cursory research into what you're putting into your body, where it comes from and what your grocery money is supporting. Read "The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food" by Michael Moss which just appeared in the New York Times Magazine. I also suggest checking out the blog 100 Days of Real Food and taking the 10 Day real Food Pledge. I will be.

Or, you can get all reactionary and scream "nanny state!" and make the case that you can eat yourself to death if you want to and nobody's gonna tell you otherwise. And that's fine. You're on an MSG bender and it's making you cranky. We get it. But you're not "sticking it to the man" by allowing the food industry call all the shots about your diet. You're not "standing up to government tyranny." You're just needlessly ingesting garbage and compromising your own health for no reason. Why do that? Don't you deserve better?

This is all coming from somebody who, if left to her own devices, would subsist on Red Bull, Little Debbie and frozen pizza. So believe me, reevaluating and changing my food choices is going to be a personal challenge. But I'm in the fortunate position to have the resources to take on that challenge. And I'm not gonna let some little girl in a checkered dress send me to an early grave, even if her snacks are fucking delicious.  Because there are way greater joys in life than Swiss rolls and I'm gonna aim for 'em. So should you.

Less horse. More health. Let's do this.